A Change of Heart: The Story of Raguna Junior
by You-Can't-Catch-Me
Summary: There were a great many words to describe me, and most were negative. The majority of them were related: mean, disrespectful, angry, depressed, et cetera. And they were all true. But then, I met her. My name is Gunie, and this is my story.
1. Be a Man

**Note: if you have not read either of my RF2/F fanfics (not oneshots), then you won't understand this story AT ALL. So please, read those and save me the hassle of explanation.**

I dragged my pencil across my notebook. The drawings just weren't flowing that day. I felt like a five-year-old, scribbling on the paper like that. I could do better.

"Gunie," Anette, my teacher said, tapping on my desk. Before I could tell her not to call me that, she spoke again. "Those don't look like notes."

"Sure as hell they aren't," I reply. I regretted that immediately after. I didn't want her to tell my parents I'd been disrespectful again.

"See me during lunch," she said. Anette was usually a very bubbly person, but when it came to me, she wasn't.

It had to be that way. I wasn't easy to deal with, and I liked it that way. Well, I didn't like it, but being a difficult asshole was something I was used to.

It happened shortly after I turned five years old, and it was caused by the person sitting almost exactly to the front of me. His name was Sebastian. He came from a good family, or at least as good as a family could get. But he was absolutely psychotic, and had been that way for a long time.

I didn't want to think about him, though. It always brought me down even more than I already was.

Anette let the rest of the class out early, but I had to stay. Usually, I would try to sneak out in the crowd, but it never worked. So, quite honestly, I didn't see the point.

"I don't see why you're keeping me," I said, scowling in my usual way.

"Because you need to learn," Anette replied.

"Learn what?" I asked.

"That you can't talk to people the way you do," she explained. "You're not going to get anywhere in life if you treat people like dirt, no matter how smart you are."

"Don't call me smart," I scoffed.

"Well, what am I supposed to call you?" Anette asked. It seemed as though she was losing her patience a little, but that was to be expected.

"I don't know," I replied. "But I'm going out to lunch. I'll see you after." Anette sighed, but didn't try to stop me.

I walked out of the school, lunch in hand, and sat down at my usual lunch spot. Of course, Amy was waiting for me. Amy was my girlfriend. She'd gone out with Sebastian before, and I knew she did it with him at some point in their relationship. I didn't like her too much. She was controlling, nasty, and, quite honestly, I wasn't really the type to go after blondes. I preferred redheads.

Anyway, the main reason I went out with her was to threaten Sebastian. Of course, I knew he'd be sexually threatened, because he was a big, muscular guy, and I was just the opposite. I could use a sword, and I got stronger from it, but nobody would have guessed that. I knew how to fight with my bare hands, too, but not very well. Just enough to keep my nose from getting broken every time Sebastian picked a fight with me, or vice versa.

Of course, Amy was sitting there scowling at me.

"You're late," she said.

"Well, what do you expect?" I asked sitting down across from her. "You should know I can't just ditch a teacher. Or are you stupid?"

Someone took me by the collar of my jacket, and yanked me upward.

"You know," Sebastian said. "You shouldn't talk to a lady like that." I tried to get free from his grip on my collar.

"I'll talk however I want," I said through my teeth. I continued in my efforts to get away from him, but it was useless. So, I came up with another idea. I started to unbutton my jacket, hoping that I could get free and go back to minding my own business.

"You're really a stupid little bastard," Sebastian growled, taking more of the fabric in his hand so he could make it harder for me to breathe.

"How so?" I asked.

"Because," he said. "I can do _this!_" Without any warning, he let go of my collar and pushed me forward. Luckily, I was able to stop myself from falling too far, but I was still on the ground. That was never a good position to be in when Sebastian was mad at you. He was merciless.

As he started kicking me and telling me to get up, the memories came back. The memories of that day when I was five. I tried to stop it, but that unforgettable dialogue ran through my head.

"_Hey, Isidore! Why don't you try catching the ball next time?" _Laughter, then coughing.

"_Gunie! That's not nice to say!"_

"_I was just kidding. Say, who's that boy over there?"_

"_Oh, him? That's my big brother Sebastian."_

"_Wow, you don't look alike at all!"_

"_Gunie, pass me the ball already!"_

"_Okay, Amy. Here goes!" _A pause. _"Hey, you're Sebastian, right? Do you want to play with us?" _Another pause. _"O-Okay. Here's the ball, Amy!"_

And then, there was pain. There were tears. There was nothing left of the real Gunie.

I was punched in the face and knocked on the ground. Most people would have just dismissed that, saying "be a man." But to a sickly five-year-old, that was downright traumatic.

And that trauma gave me a medical condition. It had nothing to do with my physical self, but my mental and emotional self. It was called the Sadness, which was a perfect name for it. Short, to the point, and pretty self-explanatory. But it was one hell of a burden, and I didn't know if there would ever be a day that it would go away.

But my thoughts were interrupted.

"Get up!" Sebastian shouted. "Are you a-?"

"Sebastian!" someone cried. I looked up to see Helena, Sebastian's older sister.

"What?" Sebastian demanded. "You saw it! He was asking for it!"

"He wasn't asking for anything," Helena said through her teeth. "And you _never _kick someone, especially not when they're already down!"

I slowly got up. Sebastian always seemed to hesitate whenever Helena reprimanded him, but I could never figure out why. Helena started walking away, but Sebastian grabbed me by the front of my shirt.

"Next time," he growled. "You're going to get it."

"Didn't I already 'get it'?" I asked.

"Not as badly as I'm thinking," he replied. He laughed, and started to walk away.

"You need to learn to fight," Amy said, once Sebastian was gone.

"I know how to fight," I said.

"Not as well as Sebastian," she replied.

"He's a freaking giant," I snapped. "What do you want me to do?"

"Be a man," she replied. "_That's _what you need to do."

I sighed, knowing that I wasn't going to get through to her. Nonetheless, I sat down next to her and tried to eat my lunch. As usual, I was unsuccessful.

_Maybe that's why I'm so weak, _I thought. _I don't eat._

I spent the rest of the school day lost in my own thoughts. I tried to draw again, but the attempt failed. For some reason, getting beaten up usually made me feel less creative. I fell asleep during class once, just because it was something to do, but that didn't last long, as one might expect.

Finally, school was over, and I was happy about that. The only problem was that I had to walk home with my younger sister, Ella.

Ella could be overly-energetic and happy at times, but most of the time, I only pretended to be annoyed with her. Honestly, I wanted to be nice to her, but I didn't quite know how. I didn't truly know how to be nice to anybody.

We started off in silence.

"You're going to get in trouble for fighting again," Ella finally said.

"And how's anybody going to know?" I asked. "Mom's not going to look for bruises on my back."

"But she'll know anyway," she replied. "You always act different after you fight at school."

"I'm done with this conversation," I said. And I truly was. I didn't like to talk about Sebastian knocking the crap out of me every time I saw him. It was embarrassing.

We stayed silent for the rest of the short walk, and when we got home, the smell of food didn't lift my crappy mood. I was hungry, but didn't feel like eating, and that just pissed me off even more.

So, as usual, I went to my room. But I was bored, and I couldn't find any way to entertain myself at all. I had read every single book we had in the house, and I didn't want to leave, because that would mean I'd have to deal with people, including everyone my family.

Since everything I tried had failed, I started doing my homework at my desk. I only had Elvish to do. Normally, I would have been fine with the light workload, but Elvish only took about ten minutes for me to finish, which was never good for me when I was bored. While I didn't like homework, at least it was something to keep me busy.

"Mom and Dad want to talk to you," Ella's voice said from my doorway. I jumped, but didn't turn around.

"All right," I said through my teeth. I got up, and started to walk away from my room. I was especially pissed off then, because I saw that Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch, which always meant they wanted to talk to me about something.

I sat down in a chair opposite them, and waited.

"We hear you got into another fight at school again," Dad said.

_I knew it! _I immediately thought. But I didn't say anything.

One thing about my condition was that it allegedly had no cause. But I knew better. I never told Mom and Dad about what happened when I was five, because I didn't want them to know. I couldn't remember the reason; some parts of the whole thing were just too distant in my memory.

"So?" I finally asked.

"It's not something you should do," Mom said. "Especially not with Sebastian. He's so much bigger than you, and you could really get hurt!" I smirked.

"Gunie, this is serious," Dad said.

"Don't call me that," I said, getting up from my chair. "And I'm not discussing this."

"Oh, yes we are," Mom said.

"Has it ever crossed your minds that maybe there's another reason for this?" I asked.

"What?" Mom and Dad asked.

Once I saw their confused expressions, I regretted what I had said. I wasn't ready to tell them about what had happened all those years ago. I didn't think I ever would be.

"Never mind," I said. "I'm going back to my room."

"Gunie-" Dad started to say.

"What?!" I demanded angrily. I was sick of talking about the whole thing, as always.

"We just want you to be safe," Mom said.

For some reason, whenever someone indicated in any way, it made me want to cry. I wasn't sure why, though. But I didn't cry. At least, not in front of anyone. The fact that I was even _considering_ crying in front of my own parents was frustrating.

So, I exploded.

"Just leave me alone!" I shouted. I stormed off toward my room, and slammed the door. I immediately sat down.

I wanted to tear my hair out, hit something, or break something, but most of all, cry. But I knew that crying wasn't an option, even when alone.

Punishment was needed.

I kept a knife in the drawer of my desk that was specifically for that purpose. I rummaged through the drawer, and pulled it out. First, I rolled back the left sleeve of my shirt, and pressed the knife to my bare arm.

I couldn't help but look at my arm. There was a whole array of scars, and sometimes, I couldn't believe I had cut myself that many times.

But those scars were just marks of the Sadness.

Just as I was about to break the skin, I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I needed that much punishment for just crying. But then I thought of everything else I had done that day. I acted like a jerk, I got into a fight and lost, and I yelled at my parents because they cared about me. I tried to cut for a second time, but I hesitated again. Even though the cutting was something I did quite frequently, it still hurt.

Finally, I got so frustrated that I decided I would just go for it.

_Screw pain, _I thought. _Screw emotional conflict._

"Be a man," I said through my teeth.

I scratched the surface of my skin. But for some reason, that sent me over the edge.

And I cried.

**That was depressing.**

**And before you decide to yell at me for my portrayal of depression, please note that I have depression. I'm not a cutter, but I've heard a lot about it. I find other ways to deal with my feelings.**

**So, if you're wondering, "Why are you so open?" here's why: I don't want to be bitched at. That's all.  
**


	2. Ria

That night, I couldn't sleep. It always happened, either on days that I cut, or days that I had gotten into a fight with Sebastian. Since I had done both of those things in one day, I had twice as much trouble sleeping.

But once I managed to get to sleep, it didn't last. I was a light sleeper, and the commotion I heard coming from the main part of the house was enough to wake me up.

I had the sudden thought of getting out of bed and seeing what was going on, but I was too annoyed to do so.

When I woke up the next morning, a Holiday, I was in a particularly crappy mood. Not that I was ever in a good mood, but some days, it was worse than usual. I wanted to just lie there in bed, but I knew I couldn't. So, I got up out of bed and got dressed. I started to walk toward the main part of the house, but I felt as though I was forgetting something.

_Ah, _I realized. _My gloves._

I always wore gloves, especially when I had new cuts, or cuts close to my wrists. Long sleeves also worked. I had to cover up my scars, otherwise I people would see, and I would get sent away to a hospital in the capital. As much as I hated living in Trampoli, living in a cell in a hospital would be much worse.

I shuddered, trying not to think about it. I pulled on the gloves, and walked out of my room toward the dining room.

Dad, Mom, and Ella were sitting at the table, eating happily. I stopped abruptly as I noticed that my grandparents weren't there.

"Where are Grandma and Grandpa?" I asked.

"Oh, look," Ella muttered. "Gunie's actually caring about people."

For whatever reason, that really pissed me off. I slammed my fist down on the table so hard that tears briefly stung my eyes.

"Fuck!" I cried. After that, I mentally slapped myself for showing that I was in pain.

"If you're going to behave like this," Dad said. "Then you need to go do something else." I scowled.

"Fine," I replied.

I felt surprised, since I usually didn't do well with requests like that. More often than not, those situations led me to feeling angry to the point of violence. I shuddered as I remember the time I threw a book through a window and got glass all over the floor. I was lucky that it was the floor, though, and not someone's eye.

My best guess was that my subconscious mind wasn't happy with the idea of me being physically restrained that day.

I grabbed a book off the bookshelf, not caring which one it was, and sat down next to the fireplace. I was dismayed upon realizing that I had grabbed a book that I knew from experience was boring, but I didn't want to get up to get a new one, so I opened it up and started to read.

A few pages later, I started hearing footsteps come down the stairs. I looked up, and saw Grandma and Grandpa, but also, a person I had never seen in my life.

It was a girl about my age, from what I could tell, and she looked like she was on something. She was skinny, almost to the point of looking unhealthy, but I quickly forgot that as I saw the huge bruise on her head, the stitches in her leg, and the bandages around her ankle. Grandma and Grandpa seemed to be helping her along, and once they were down the stairs, the girl took a pair of crutches that were propped up against the wall.

I had the sudden thought of returning to my incredibly boring book, but I couldn't take my eyes off that strange girl. As she drew nearer, I could see how red her hair was, her pointed elf ears, and her blue-green eyes. She was like no one I'd ever seen before, that was for damn sure.

I furrowed my brow as I realized that my heart was pounding. That never happened unless I was in a fight with someone at home, or when I knew Sebastian was about to knock the crap out of me. I found that frustrating, and tried to focus on my book.

Suddenly, Grandma clapped her hands, and I scowled. Clapping was a little much for a family breakfast, but Grandma was…strange, putting it mildly.

"Everyone!" she said grandly. "As you know, we have a special guest as of last night. This is Ria, and she will be staying with us until…how long will you stay?"

_I didn't know anything about this, _I thought.

"Until I can find out where my father lives," she replied. "Or until I get better."

There it was, my heart pounding again. There was something about her voice that I liked; it almost had a musical quality to it. I could tell she was a singer.

_Like me, _I thought. Even though I hated to show it, I loved music. I could play the organ and the piano decently, but my real passion was singing. Of course, nobody could know that, since Sebastian would beat me up in five seconds flat if he found out.

"All right, then!" Grandma exclaimed. "So, if you could all introduce yourselves-" Of course, Ella stood up immediately. She adored girls that were older than she was, and thought of every single one she met as an older sister. The only exception to that rule was Amy.

"I'm Ella!" she cried. She sat down, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had almost expected her to ask Ria to be her best friend or something, and I was glad she didn't. I briefly looked up from my book, which I was only pretending to read at that point, and saw that Mom and Dad looked kind of annoyed.

They continued with their introductions, and I decided to try and actually read the book. Due to my high level of distractibility, the words eventually became nothing more than blurs on the pages, and I just stared at them.

"Hey Gunie," Dad said, managing to make me refocus on what was going on. "Why don't you come over here and introduce yourself as well?"

It always kind of pissed me off to be brought out of my zoned-out state, whether I was thinking or not. I felt my cheeks redden, and I threw the boring book down so hard that my glasses got a little crooked. I quickly pushed them back up the bridge of my nose.

"Dad," I said coldly. "My name is not _Gunie_. And I'm sick of being called that, so don't tell _her _those kinds of lies."

I saw Ria raise an eyebrow at me, and I wasn't sure if she was amused, irritated, or just a little surprised. I realized that I was acting like a toddler with a bad temper, and I felt my cheeks get a little redder, but I tried to ignore it. I figured I could always apologize, but that would just make me look weak. There was no turning back.

"But you've been Gunie since you were a baby," Mom said.

"Yes," Grandma added. "We'd call you that, and you would laugh and laugh, and then-"

"Just because I happen to be named Raguna," I interrupted. "And just because I am the second Raguna does _not _mean that I need to be given a nickname that belittles me. Honestly, even 'Big Raguna' and 'Little Raguna' would be fine." I paused, making sure to look contemptuously at all of them. "I'm going back to my book. Try not to bother me so much."

I continued to half-listen as Grandma offered Ria some breakfast, and Ella gushed about her. Apparently, I had jumped the gun with being relieved that Ella hadn't done anything embarrassing. But when she called Ria "pretty", my cheeks, which had just returned to their normal color, turned red once again. I was about to take my goddamn book to my face, I was so frustrated with myself! What the hell was wrong with me? To mask my sense of panic, I forced my face into its usual scowl and tried to make some sort of disrespectful sound. Unfortunately, it came out almost like a snort.

"What's the matter, Gunie?" Mom asked. "Don't _you _think she's pretty?"

That one caught me off-guard. I was a quick thinker, though, and thank goodness for it. So, I decided to keep spewing out rude comments.

"Please, Mom," I replied, a smirk creeping onto my face. "Don't set the girl up for disappointment. You wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings."

"Gunie!" Ella shouted. I saw Ria wince in pain, for some reason. "You're a big fat jerk, you know that?"

"I'm not sure I know," I replied. "Also, that's not even the worst insult I've ever heard, so unless you do it intelligently, I won't take offense."

"Hmph!" Ella muttered with a scowl on her face.

Ella was more cooperative than most eight-year-olds I'd heard of when it came to leaving me alone, so she didn't bother me too much after that. However, something else started bothering me.

One of my "tragic flaws", as the literary experts would say, was the fact that even the _sight _of turnips made me feel sick. I had no idea why, but that was true. And as the turnip smell filled the air, I got even angrier than I had been.

Grandma set a plate – which I could tell contained an omelet filled with turnips – in front of Ria, and gleefully said that she hoped she liked turnips. I grimaced at the very thought, even though Ria seemed content.

"'I hope you like turnips' is right," I muttered. "Grandma doesn't know how to cook anything else."

"Gunie!" Mom cried in shock.

_Why the hell is she so surprised? _I wondered. _I usually act like a jackass, don't I?_

"Don't call me that," I replied, mocking her surprised tone of voice.

Dad stood up.

"If you don't haul ass upstairs," he said. "You're not going to be able to feel it by tomorrow. Now go." For a brief minute, I considered flinching and telling him not to hit me "again". Of course, Dad had never laid a hand on me, but I thought that it might be funny, at least for me. In the end, I decided against it, so I smirked, and started walking up the stairs.

As soon as everyone was out of my line of sight, I scowled. Normally, I would have just gone to my room, but if I didn't go upstairs, there would be hell to pay. At first, I hoped that I wasn't being forced to go up there because they had figured out I had been cutting again. But then, I remembered that Mom and Dad had recently turned the attic into a room where I could go to calm down when I was angry. I hated that, though. It made me feel like I was already in an insane asylum.

I went up the ladder to get to the attic, and sighed. For a few minutes, I just sat there, trying to figure out what to do. I scanned the room several times, but finally, I saw a little, leather-bound book, exactly like my school notebook, and a pen lying on top of it. I stood up, and walked over to it, picked it up off the floor, and looked it over.

It was just a plain, blank book, but something about it felt…odd. It almost seemed like that book would help me accomplish something. Like it would lead me somewhere.

I frowned. What a stupid idea! How could a blank book help someone with something? Besides, I knew it was really narcissistic of me to think that I had some sort of psychic power.

Narcissistic…that word reminded me of the fact that I had my own mental illness. However, I had often read and heard that keeping a diary could be therapeutic. And blank books were usually meant to be used as diaries.

_Besides, _I thought. _It'll be something to do._

Whether it was a good idea or not, I decided I would use that book for that exact purpose. Maybe, just maybe, it could help me get rid of the Sadness.

**I'm alive!**

**Long time no update, huh? Well, now I have! *Dance***

**Not much to say at the moment. Oh, yeah! As you may have noticed, Gunie has a potty mouth. So, from now on, there will be no bad language warnings. And expect violent images in later chapters.**

**And I've been really bored lately, so feel free to communicate with me!  
**


	3. Don't Fight Back

My school notebook was, once again, filled with useless crap. But it really didn't matter. I did well in school, and taking notes really didn't make my grades better. In fact, it didn't really matter that I even got good grades. It wasn't likely that I would go to college. The money would be hard to come by, nobody else in my family had ever had any education past the age of eighteen. Not that I knew of, anyway. Grandpa had wandered into a town called Kardia with no memories of his past, and he was only about sixteen years old at the time.

The fact that Grandpa was living on his own and making a steady income at sixteen was weird to think about. Weirder still, he married Grandma when they were seventeen, and Mom was born when they were eighteen. Then, two generations later, I was living with my parents and going to school at sixteen. Times sure had changed.

And marriage at seventeen…that was a scary thought. I was getting close to seventeen, and I hadn't even thought about marriage. And I was still a virgin, which was embarrassing. I glanced over at Sebastian, furrowing my brow in anger. _He _wasn't a virgin, and he wasn't afraid to let anyone know. Vulgar bastard…he took Amy before I could even get a chance. It didn't matter, though. She was my girlfriend now, and it wouldn't be long.

But then, I thought of that girl who was staying with us, Ria, and I felt a strange sense of guilt. That just made me angry and frustrated; why in the hell would I be feeling guilty? I barely knew the girl, and she hated my guts, understandably. It was ridiculous that I would even be _thinking-_

"Gunie," Anette said, more sternly than she usually sounded. I looked up from my notebook, and I clenched my fists as I realized that the whole class was staring at me.

"What?" I asked through my teeth, looking back down at my desk. I mentally slapped myself as I realized that I had responded to my embarrassing nickname.

"Did you hear the question?" she asked.

"No," I replied, trying to relax. "I didn't."

"We're reviewing what we learned last class," Anette said. "About Norad as the birthplace of man." I sighed.

"The Book of Races," I muttered. I looked up. "It describes the creation not only of mankind, but also of the elves, dwarves, monsters, et cetera, which also led to hybrid groups such as Earthmates, Univir, and an ancient, lost race that is now referred to as 'vampires,' though this term is not acceptable anymore. The information that has been disclosed to the population of Norad Kingdom is the basis of the religion practiced by most of the people living within Norad. There is an emphasis not only on a main deity, but also spirits and the Earth itself. The contents of the book, published for the masses, have most likely been altered, according to most historians. The original text is in the possession of King Gilbert II, in a heavily guarded vault. The vault itself hasn't been opened for centuries, so even the king himself is unsure of the exact material." I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose. "Some people believe, though, that the book holds the secrets to the creation of a superhuman, and therefore, a superhuman race. The government probably is afraid of an enemy nation, the Sechs Empire, for example, getting a hold of those instructions." I paused. "It's interesting to think about, though…humans essentially becoming gods. Especially since the book describes a god that seems to be a tyrannical, self-absorbed, slightly sadistic being."

"That's blasphemy!" Isidore cried.

"I'm telling Mom!" Ella chimed in.

"That's enough," Anette said. "Thank you, Gunie. Now everyone, please open your books to…"

I decided to go back into my own thoughts. I was proud of my ability to bullshit basically _anything _from information I had stored in my mind ahead of time. I started to attempt drawing something, but something hit me in the head right as I decided what I wanted to draw. It was a balled up piece of paper, which was now on the floor. I clenched my fists, knowing right away that Sebastian was the culprit. Luckily, Anette must have seen him throw it, so I didn't have to deal with him myself. Besides, if I told him off or threatened him in the middle of class, I would look like the bad guy. Not that I wasn't already.

"Sebastian," Anette said, with a thoroughly irritated look on her face. "Would you like to pick that up?" Sebastian muttered something, but he got up from his chair and walked over to my desk. He bent over and picked up the paper, and walked back over to his desk.

Before long, it was time for lunch, and Anette let us go outside. I sat down in my usual spot and waited for Amy. I looked in my paper lunch bag, and sighed with relief as I realized that Mom had made my lunch that day. If Grandma had made it, it would probably have contained leftover turnip-based food. And I was in no mood to be nauseated. Besides, I was hungry for once.

Amy sat down next to me, and smiled at me.

"You majorly pissed off Sebastian today," she said.

"I piss him off with my presence," I replied, unwrapping the sandwich Mom had packed me.

"That's true," she said. "But I mean, with your answer to the question Anette asked you. He hates that you're smarter than he is, and that you don't even have to try."

"He _is _a dumbass," I said. I started eating, but I quickly noticed that Amy was just sitting there. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm on a diet," she replied. "I can only eat one meal a day now, and it has to be mostly celery."

"That's no good," I said. "Celery uses up more calories to chew and digest than you get from it."

"So?" she asked.

"So it's basically negative calories," I explained. "And if you're not eating anything else, you could make yourself sick."

"But don't you want me to lose weight?" she asked.

"You can lose weight if you want," I replied. "But if you feel like you have to, do so in a way that doesn't kill you."

"You're one to talk," she said. "This is the first time in ages that I've seen you eat anything." I didn't respond, because I knew she was right. I was done growing, and at five feet eight inches tall, I was average in terms of height for guys my age. But at one hundred and forty pounds, I was pushing the underweight category, and the last thing I wanted to be was scrawny, and for multiple reasons.

It wasn't really my fault, though. I had to take medicine for the Sadness, which stopped me from lashing out as frequently as I used to, but it also took my appetite away. Of course, Lara didn't like that at all, so she constantly had to adjust doses and sometimes even the ingredients to the medicine. There were always side effects, though.

"Hey you," I heard an all-too-familiar voice growl.

"What do you want, Sebastian?" I asked, not looking up. I was scared shitless, and if he saw my face at that exact moment, he'd really go to town with beating me up.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," he demanded. For whatever reason, I listened to him, and looked up at him. Upon seeing the look in his eyes, the look of sadism that I knew too well, I started to break out into a cold sweat. He started to laugh.

"What?" I asked.

"You look terrified," he said.

"I'm not terrified," I replied. But even an idiot like Sebastian knew what a lie that was.

Suddenly, he grabbed the front of my shirt, and slammed me against the outer stone wall of the church.

"You think you're pretty freakin' smart," he scoffed.

"Smarter than you," I spat. With his free hand, he raised his fist and punched me on the side of the face, managing to cover my left cheek and eye, as well as my mouth. My glasses slipped off, and fell to the ground, breaking in half once they hit it. I tasted blood, and that made me mad as hell. I went to return the favor, but I was interrupted.

"Stop it!" Helena cried from the doorway. She came running up to us. "Stop it, both of you!"

"Get lost, Helena!" Sebastian shouted. Then, I saw a blurry image of Anette come running up next to her, and later, Hugh, Helena's boyfriend. He must have sensed that she was in some sort of trouble. At that moment, Sebastian shoved me back against the wall, but at least I was free.

"Look what you did to him!" Helena hissed. I heard her pick up my glasses from the ground, and sigh. I saw her take a roll of bandages out of the messenger bag over her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Fixing your glasses," she replied, ripping off a piece of the bandage. "Gunie, I _know _Sebastian is usually the aggressor, but you can't fight back. You're not as strong as he is, and if you keep trying to fight back, you're going to get really badly hurt." She paused, and handed my glasses back to me. "There. These should hold out for awhile, but make sure to see my grandmother to get them fixed. You might also want to head over there to get some ice for your face." I put my glasses back on, looked up at Helena, but then looked away in embarrassment, only to make eye contact with Amy, who looked at me, seemingly disgusted.

"I'll head over there right now," I muttered. "Tell Anette for me."

Before Helena could respond, I started to walk away toward the Business District, which led to the South District. I wondered if I should have thanked her, but it was too late. Besides, I was a little angry with her for pitying me in front of Sebastian.

As I made my way into the South District, I stopped and reached into my pocket, feeling around for my pocket knife. I figured it would be stupid to take it out, though, because anyone could come by at any minute and see me cutting, and then, I'd be screwed.

For that moment, it was probably best to leave my arm alone.

**Was anyone shocked to see this updated? I sure was. XD**

**So, this chapter was fairly uneventful, but I really liked writing Gunie's answer to Anette's creation question. It almost sounded like an answer I would give in a history or religion class.**

**We'll get to see Arianna more in later chapters. :)  
**


	4. Pathetic

Shortly after going home, I was stuck in my room again. I had originally gone somewhat willingly, but I was starting to get bored. I had to be careful with the cutting; attempting suicide wasn't something to mess with, and losing too much blood over a fight with Mom would just make me look like a drama queen. Besides, I'd be found out that way.

"Don't want a repeat of being thirteen," I muttered. I remembered it all too well. I hadn't been cutting for very long; in other words, I had no knowledge of where to cut, how deep to do it so it wouldn't kill me, et cetera.

My stomach growled, and I frowned. I _was_ pretty hungry, but I wasn't about to go beg for forgiveness and food. So, I opened my drawer and took out my diary and pen. I figured that maybe some writing practice would be good, and I had nothing better to do. I started writing.

_Thirteen years old. It was a tough year for me. I had always heard that, but I thought it was just a bunch of bullshit. It wasn't._

_I wasn't always five-foot-eight, and I definitely wasn't as strong as I am now. In fact, I was pretty short and weak as a kid. At thirteen, I was freaking four-eleven. That was hard, especially since Sebastian was almost five-and-a-half feet tall. Even Isidore, who was twelve, was two inches taller than me. I had a serious height complex, that was for damn sure. Especially since it wasn't really my fault. I couldn't even go to school until I was five because I was so sick all the time. I got really sick and almost died when I was a baby, and I was completely blind for a year and a half. I couldn't even see my own mother's face until I was two and a half. That's actually my earliest memory. Even now, my eyes are pretty bad. According to Lara, I'll have almost-perfect vision by my mid-thirties. I wish it would happen sooner; getting my glasses broken all the time is a pain in the ass._

_Anyway, I was short and weak, and I was self-conscious about it. But one day, Sebastian _had_ to call me short, and I snapped. I thought I was being brave by saying "fuck you," but really, I was just stupid. It was the first time he truly beat me up, but also the first time I fought back. By then, I had trained myself not to cry, but even showing weakness wouldn't have helped._

_Both of us were sent home from school, and my whole family was pissed off. Ella started crying when she saw the blood and bruises. As soon as they started scolding me, I snapped again. I started screaming at all of them, and eventually, Grandpa and Dad had to wrestle me into my room._

_I went crazy then, and I decided that I wanted to kill myself, or at least put myself in a lot of pain. I practically slit my whole arm open, and I must have yelled out pretty loud. I finally started getting dizzy from the loss of blood, and I fell to the floor. As my eyes started closing, Dad opened the door, and started calling for help. That was really all I could remember before I found myself in the clinic. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or pissed off. I was lucky that I wasn't sent to a mental institution…_

I quickly closed the book. The shit flowing from my mind to the paper was making me cringe. Who gave one, anyway? Certainly not a previously-blank page.

I flopped down on my bed, and felt something crinkle in my back pocket. I furrowed my brow, and fished out whatever was there.

"A note…?" I murmured. I quickly unfolded it, and my eyes widened at what it said:

_Meet me tonight at seven by the big tree in the Church District._

_- Amy_

I frowned. The note was beyond vague, and I first thought that I was in trouble with her or something. Then again, I hadn't really done anything to make her mad…

I looked at the clock on my wall, and I realized that it was almost seven.

"Shit!" I muttered. If I was late, Amy would be pissed beyond belief, especially if it was important. I needed to hightail it out of there, that was for sure.

I opened the door to my room, and quickly but quietly headed toward the front room of the house. By that time, everyone was gone from the table, and it looked as though the coast was clear.

"Kind of late to be going out," a voice said. I cried out in surprise, since I hadn't expected that anyone would be there. It took me a minute, but I recognized the voice as Ria's.

"What are you doing sitting in the dark?" I spat. "And more importantly, why do you care where I'm going?" I was legitimately mad; if she saw me leaving, then she might tell my parents, and then, I'd be screwed. I had never snuck out of the house at night before, so they would definitely be suspicious.

"There's nothing wrong with the dark," Ria replied. She turned on a lamp, and she feebly attempted to stand up. My first instinct was to help her, because I figured she was probably in a lot of pain from the stitches and the broken ankle. I didn't know why I was just standing there; Amy would be mad if I was late, and I had no business with this stranger. So, I opened the door and left the house.

As I started to walk, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty, and a lot like a jackass. But I rushed over to the Church District anyway.

Sure enough, Amy was looking pissed, and I almost considered running in the other direction before she noticed I was there. Before I could even make a decision, though, Amy came over to me.

"You're late," she snapped.

"I didn't find your note until a few minutes ago," I retorted. "I don't look in my back pockets. So, what do you want?"

Her response was a very rough kiss, and I cried out in pain at the contact with my bruised, swollen lower lip.

"What?" she demanded.

"That hurt!" I cried. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to teach you to toughen up," she replied. "But since that didn't work, I'll just have to skip to the good part."

"Good part?" I asked, but to my surprise, she shoved me up against the big tree, and started to unbutton my jacket with one hand, while the other ran down my chest. I instantly realized what she was doing, and my heart started pounding.

"I'm going to make you a _real_ man," she replied. She kissed me again, though on my jaw, then moving down my collarbone…my breathing was getting shallow, and I was downright _scared._

But then, something hit me: the shirt underneath my jacket didn't cover my arms. If she saw my arm, then she would dump me in a heartbeat, and she'd probably go back to Sebastian. _That _would be humiliating.

"No," I said, moving away from her. "I…I can't."

Her face contorted into an angry expression, and she slapped me across the face.

"You're pathetic," she hissed. With that, she walked quickly away from me. I sighed, wondering if that was really true.

Maybe it was.

**Short chapter, I know.**

**And FYI, there's going to be some stuff that didn't appear in VLA, like the exchange between Gunie and Arianna in this chapter.**

**Remember to review!  
**


	5. Taken Down

Two days later, Amy seemed as though she had completely forgotten about her failed attempt to have sex with me, and she was back to being her normal, flirty self. At first, I was relieved, but as I thought more about it, she was probably feeling threatened by the idea of a strange, fifteen-year-old girl living in the same house as me.

Either way, I was trying to humor Amy more than ever, even in the classroom. When Tabatha came to teach Elvish, Amy and I conversed in the language, but not on the given subject.

"_Your accent is atrocious,_" I muttered. It was true; I could barely understand her.

"_What are you saying?_" Amy asked. "_You're talking too fast._"

"_You can't pronounce anything correctly_," I said, hoping she'd understand the paraphrasing. Instead, she just blinked absently. Finally, I switched back from Elvish. "Your accent sucks!"

"You're a smartass!" she immediately protested.

"Amy," Tabatha said sternly. Amy pursed her lips, but went back to Elvish.

"Gunie," she said. "_Do you and that girl sleep in separate rooms?_"

"What the hell?" I blurted out. I sighed. "_Yes, we do. I wouldn't want any girl to even see my room, let alone sleep in it._" Her question confirmed my feeling of her suspicion.

"Is there something you do in there that's embarrassing?" she asked, leaning forward a little bit. I quickly looked away, knowing right away that she was trying to show me her cleavage.

"_Do we have to talk about this now?_" I asked. Even though I was barely attracted to her at all, the fact that she was female was undeniable. Needless to say, I was mildly pissed off. Was she trying to embarrass me in the middle of class?

As I averted my eyes, I noticed that Ria and Sebastian were working together. I scowled at first, wondering what kind of person would want to even go _near _him, let alone talk with him. But then, I realized it: a person who had no idea what she was dealing with. She was obviously naïve and trusting enough to talk to him, a complete stranger…

_Who knows what he could do to her? _I thought, clenching my fists. _She's so skinny, he could break her…and she's a girl, so…_

I shut my eyes briefly, wondering why I had thought of something so horrible, but more importantly, why I was feeling so protective of a girl I barely knew!

Amy grabbed my jaw, and yanked my face so we were looking in each other's eyes.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," she hissed.

"S-Sorry," I stammered, attempting to regain my composure. In addition to that, my face was still sore from the other day. "We'd better keep talking in Elvish."

The class went by fairly quickly, and soon, it was time for lunch. As usual, I wasn't really hungry, but I brought my lunch out anyway. Amy and I sat down in our usual spot, but I noticed she didn't even have her celery that day.

"You're not eating?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "I'd rather make out."

"Here?" I asked, slightly taken aback.

"Yes, here," she snapped. I thought of protesting, especially when I looked away to see Juniper and Ella playing together, but I didn't need Amy to be mad at me.

"All right," I replied. I put my hands on her waist as she put her hands on my shoulders and pulled me close to her. I was the one to initiate the kissing, but she, of course, started heightening it. I smiled; for some reason, even making out with Amy made me feel a little less stressed out. Endorphins, probably...

"Adorable!" I heard Sebastian yell from his usual spot by the graveyard. "Why don't you just start doing it right now?" My eyes opened in surprise at that suggestion, but Amy wouldn't let me get away, literally, biting down on my lower lip to keep me there. So, I just decided to give Sebastian the finger from afar and let Amy have her way.

Amy finally pulled away from me, and scooted close.

"You're so submissive," she whispered in my ear.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, smirking at her.

"I think you know what it means," she replied. "You whimpered like a sissy when I bit you, and for some reason, I find that really, _really _hot." I felt myself start to blush.

"You'd be a killer dominatrix," I told her.

"And you'd like it," she said. I almost said that being called a dominatrix wasn't exactly a compliment, but I kept my mouth shut.

Suddenly, Amy turned away from me, and I looked up to see Ria and Sebastian standing right in front of us.

"What do _you _want?" Amy asked Ria nastily.

"It's not what _she _wants," Sebastian growled. "It's what _I _want. Ria, you might want to step out of the way."

I knew what was coming. I should have known flipping him off would be a bad idea! I tried not to show any signs of fear as I stood up, but looking into those orange, evil, demon eyes of his was no easy task. My empty stomach started churning; the pressure was too much.

"Do something!" Amy cried. I looked over at her, trying to nonverbally communicate that maybe fighting wasn't such a great idea. But just as I did, Sebastian punched me in the side of my face that was turned toward him.

I had no other choice but to fight him.

I gave it my all in trying to_ at least_ make contact, but nothing worked. For being such a bulky, muscular guy, he sure was fast. Despite my best efforts, though, he still managed to get me pinned against the wall of the school. I tried to get away, but I quickly realized that it would be impossible.

"Say you're a jerk!" Sebastian demanded.

"No!" I shot back. With that response, he backhanded me across the face.

"Say it!" he said again, but raising his voice.

"I won't do it!" I told him, trying to stay strong. With his free hand, he punched me in the chest, almost knocking the wind out of me.

"_Say it!_" he screamed in my face.

A part of me _did _want to say it, and honestly, everyone thought I was a jerk. It wouldn't have changed what they thought about me. But I wasn't about to give Sebastian what he wanted.

"You're...a complete asshole," I said.

I could see his pupils dilate and his eyes narrow, and my stomach lurched. And then, I just felt pain as he kneed me in the groin, making every other part of my body that was hurting seem insignificant. I gritted my teeth, and slowly lowered myself to the ground.

I tried to ignore everything around me, keeping my eyes shut and concentrating on keeping my stomach in check. Sebastian said something threatening, then Anette, and then, it was quiet until Amy spoke.

"Get up, you loser," she spat. I didn't want to speak.

"S-Sorry," I stammered, knowing that if I didn't reply, she might kick me or something. I wasn't really sorry for anything, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Once again," she hissed. "You've embarrassed me."

I heard her start to walk away, and once the footsteps seemed distant enough, I looked up. Unfortunately, my stomach started hurting again, so I tried to get up quickly. As fate would have it, though, I felt dizzy and my stomach actually started to heave. I fell to my knees again, but that time, I gagged, and threw up what little nourishment I had left in me.

I was angry, legitimately _angry! _I felt so humiliated. Nothing new, but not pleasant. I wiped my mouth, breathing raggedly. Even though I was still mad, I finally decided to get up and go back to class.

I tried to slip back into class inconspicuously, but of course, the second I came in, everyone turned around to look at me. I just looked down, and walked to my seat, and plopped down into my seat. I grimaced, though, upon doing so, since I was still really sore from Sebastian's knee.

For the rest of the school day, I didn't talk to anyone, not even Amy. More than anything, I just wanted the day to be over, so when Anette let us leave at the end of the day, I got up and damn near took off running. Sebastian, however, had the same idea, but Anette had other plans.

"Gunie," she said. "Sebastian, you can't leave just yet." By then, the classroom was empty.

Sebastian turned around almost immediately, and I did so shortly after.

"I'm sure you know why I've asked you to stay," Anette said. I didn't say anything, and neither did Sebastian. "You know, you're going to have to stop this."

"He started it," I blurted out. Great. _That _was the perfect answer.

"That's really mature," Sebastian muttered.

"I'm going to have to agree with him," Anette said. "But that doesn't mean you're off the hook, Sebastian. Your parents will hear from me. You may go." Sebastian turned around to leave the room, making sure to smirk at me before doing so.

Anette looked at me, her face looking a little less stern than it had when Sebastian was in the room.

"Gunie," she said, almost pleadingly. "You really need to-"

That made me mad all over again, and I exploded.

"What do I need to do?" I snapped. "Stop trying to defend myself? The guy insults me, so I flip him off. Then the bastard freaking punches me!"

"Watch your language, please," she said. At that point, I was back to seething in silence. "And you shouldn't provoke him like that. He has issues of his own."

My eyes narrowed, and I knew where the conversation was going. And I sure did _not _like it.

"Don't imply that I have issues," I said angrily.

"The Sadness is an issue," she said. "And I know you struggle with it. It must be hard, and-"

"May I go now?" I interrupted coldly. Finally, Anette sighed, and got the message that I didn't want to talk about it.

"Yes," she said wearily.

I left the classroom hurriedly, but as soon as I was away from there, I slowed down. I felt like I was going to cry, and I could have sworn I felt some tears. Or maybe my eyes were just watering. I wiped them away, but when I looked up, I noticed Ella and Ria come into my line of sight.

"W-What are you doing here?" I asked. I was surprised, to say the least, but more than anything, I hoped they hadn't heard that conversation.

"We were waiting for you," Ella replied. She looked concerned, so I tried to act like I was fine.

"Well," I said. "You could have left."

"What's the Sadness?" Ria asked suddenly.

My heart started pounding. Yes, they _had _heard the conversation. And Ria...she would be disgusted if she knew what I did to myself.

"That's none of your business," I snapped. I tried to glare into those blue-green eyes, but for some reason, she didn't budge.

_Maybe she actually cares, _I thought as we started to walk home.

Even though some part of me wished that could be true, I knew that it wasn't at all. She'd have to be crazy.

**Yeah, I updated this one again. Wait...I guess that's kind of obvious.**

**Poor Gunie...apparently I like torturing him. Sebastian treats him like a punching bag, and his girlfriend treats him like her little uke. Just kidding. Well, about the torturing part, anyway.**


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